Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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