have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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