Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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