At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize