There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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