we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
