glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
