So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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