Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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