If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
