Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
