When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
