Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
