sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
