ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
