The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
