mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize