my sisters under your porch take her home
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
