When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
