my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
