Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
