I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
