something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
