I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
