Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
