mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
