I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
