Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
