Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize