If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
