did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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