that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
