The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
