Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
they need to just BURY HIM!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
