Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
