It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
