her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
