Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
