everyone is single if you try hard enough
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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