What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
