youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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