I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
