I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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