so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
