dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize