dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
