don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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