i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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