Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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