Already got asked if we're dating
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
