Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
