Everything about him screamed your future.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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