Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
