I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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