Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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