we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
