Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
