I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think your dad took our porno
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
