My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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