I cockslap morals
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
