your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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