I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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