u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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