my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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