Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
