I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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