Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize