In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
how does that bad decision feel?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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