I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
