she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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