ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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