Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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