"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you had me at cake vodka
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize