So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
