1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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