3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
