Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
