And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Success! We fucked roommates!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
