Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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