so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
