i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
