"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
