I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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