It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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