the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
